5 Simple Steps to Resolving a Family Feud

June 16, 2017 Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Google+ LIfestyle

Here’s how to end and unresolved conflicts in your family before the holidays.


1.  Make contact

Contact each family member involved in the estrangement by sending them a neutral friendly email or card. If you do not get answers, try again and again until you have a response from at least a majority of key estrangees. Maintain a positive tone and ensure that everyone knows that you are ready to leave the past behind and move forward.


2. Go Slow

Do not expect things to proceed quickly—there is no low-hanging fruit or easy wins in trying to return to normal relations after a long-term estrangement. Accept superficial contact as meaningful and take your cues from other family members—they will probably approach you warily. Be friendly and use a special occasion or seasonality as your friend—i.e., a family wedding, a special anniversary, or the holidays—it presents opportunities for forgiveness.


3. Lose the self-righteousness

Be open to everyone’s point of view, even if it makes you gag. There is no point finger-pointing or name-calling—it gets you nowhere but back to the feud. Be willing to listen with an open mind and an open heart.


4. Cancel the storyline as well as the re-runs

Whether your sad tale involves betrayal, intrigue, cruelty, or mom always liked you best, it’s time to retire the storyline. You must get past what you feel is an injustice against you and your harsh judgments about the people you feel are responsible. Time to get over it and accept that whatever happened, no matter who did what to whom, no one should waste anymore time thinking about it.


5. Don’t expect any apologies and be ready to forgive

Forgiveness is powerful. The minute you really mean it all the anger, resentment, and hatred will disappear instantly. Forgiveness brings peace.